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Barr Says Epstein Died By A Series Of Coincidences, Ending All Conspiracy Theories Forever

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Written by Caitlin Johnstone; Originally appeared at her blog

In an interview with Associated Press, US Attorney General William Barr put all conspiracy theories to rest once and for all by assuring the world that alleged sex trafficker and alleged billionaire Jeffrey Epstein’s death was simply the result of a very, very, very long series of unfortunate coincidences.

“I can understand people who immediately, whose minds went to sort of the worst-case scenario because it was a perfect storm of screw-ups,” Barr told AP on Thursday.

This perfect storm of unlucky oopsies include Epstein being taken off suicide watch not long after a previous suicide attempt and shortly before his successful suicide, suggestions that the first attempt may have actually been an assault via attempted strangulation inflicted by someone else, two security guards simultaneously falling asleep on the job when they were supposed to be checking on Epstein, one of those guards not even being an actual security guard, security footage of two cameras outside Epstein’s cell being unusable due to a mysterious technical glitch, at least eight Bureau of Prisons officials knowing Epstein wasn’t meant to be left alone in his cell and leaving him alone in his cell anyway, Epstein’s cellmate being transferred out of their shared space the day before Epstein’s death, Epstein signing a will two days before his death, unexplained injuries on Epstein’s wrists and shoulder reported by his family after the autopsy, and a forensic expert who examined Epstein’s body claiming that his injuries were more consistent with homicide than suicide.

“The attorney general also sought to dampen conspiracy theories by people who have questioned whether Epstein really took his own life, saying the evidence proves Epstein killed himself,” AP reports. “He added that he personally reviewed security footage that confirmed that no one entered the area where Epstein was housed on the night he died.”

Well if reporting that he’s reviewed footage which we were previously told didn’t exist isn’t enough to dampen those kooky conspiracy theories, I don’t know what is.

So there you have it. The US government says that an intelligence asset with damning information on many powerful individuals did in fact kill himself due to an admittedly bizarre and wildly unlikely series of strange coincidences. I for one have no more questions. Checkmate, conspiracy theorists.

“Mr. Epstein’s death in August at a federal detention center in Manhattan set off a rash of unfounded conspiracy theories on social media that were picked up and repeated by high-profile figures, including Mayor Bill de Blasio and former Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani. No matter their ideology, the refrain of the theories was the same: Something did not add up,” says The New York Times in its report Barr’s statements.

Couldn’t have said it better myself. It’s a completely unfounded conspiracy theory to believe that someone with ties to powerful institutions and individuals might be murdered in a way that was made to look like a suicide. We don’t live in a world where opaque organizations do evil things in secret, we live in a world where the government is always our friend and the TV would never lie to us. I’m glad these comments made by Barr (whose father in another strange coincidence gave Epstein his first job) have at long last struck a fatal blow to anyone who would doubt the beneficent hand of our beloved institutions.

It’s hard to imagine what more the US government and its allied political/media class could possibly do to quell conspiracy theories that now have Hollywood celebrities clamoring for government internet censorship. I guess if they really, really wanted to dampen conspiracy theories, there are a few more extremely drastic steps that could be taken. Steps like not lying all the time. And maybe not hiding immense amounts of information about what the most powerful institutions in the world are doing behind thick walls of government opacity. And maybe cease promoting conspiracies themselves, as with Russiagate. And maybe stop secretly doing depraved things. And maybe stop engaging in conspiracies.

Pretty sure Barr’s assurances will be enough to do the trick, though.

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Redadmiral

Barr added “I personally reviewed security footage which confirmed
that no one entered the area where Epstein was housed on the night he
died.” Don’t we all love these bizzar happenings which allow us fools to come up with outlandish conspiracy theories…. lol

David Parker

Amazing after proclaiming with a straight face that all the cameras had failed for some inexplicable reason.

Jens Holm

I dint see Your comment on my twitter and write here about Armenia. It was the 1878 changes which partly included plans for Armenia kind of selfrule, which did it for the declinin Osmans.

Look at maps too like Kontantinopel should be given to the Tzars. Many nasty maps, if You were an Osman.

You are too focused on military threats but has to see GB, France and Italy much better. They were sclisers and did well.

Well, later on they collapsed too and as a surprice we got USSR and USA as the big players, which they are now.

Armenias mainly was the sandwich and only few uprisers. Iran is there too but in those days was kind of nothing.

BillA

what we have learned is that Barr is a liar (also); only a revolution will do

David Parker

The only hope of a successful revolution can take the form (1) stop paying taxes to government, and (2) start using real money – silver and gold – and stop using the Zionist paper currency. That is the only way to break the power of the tiny Zionist elite that controls the world.

JustPassingThrough

well if B.B. says it’s true, it must be true. ROFLMAO

Robert Ferrin

LMAO anyone who believes anything put out by any government source is a fool,for the first thing they do is play cover your as*.!!

Ziønist šhill

Nothing to see here, goy. Move along

Jakke1899

With an explanation like this, you know that this man is part of the problem, not the solution.

Hasbara Hunter

America is a BIG FUCKING JOKE!!!…Filthy Fucking Psychopathic Elitist Paedophiles Rule that TREACHEROUS LYING TREATY BREAKING GENOCIDAL NATION…fuck’m

Tony B.

Barr, a long time prostitute to the so-called “deep state,” is full of shit.
Epstein is likely still alive. There has been just too much bull shit thrown out about his “death.”

David Parker

Epstein was toxic waste to the Zionist-controlled US deep state once exposed. There was nothing he knew that his handlers had not documented long ago. His only hope of survival was to stay off the radar.

Epstein is dead.

Tony B.

You are more sure of that than I will ever be. There have been too many unnecessary lies in too many unnecessary directions to cover a simple death.

David Parker

Barr’s entire career has been to lie. He has always been a US deep state shill, was a CIA mouthpiece during the Clinton regime, and is still a US deep state whore. Trump needs to have the FSB end this bastard and try to find one honest man to be AG if there is such a thing as an “honest” man who would serve in government.

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